Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
