Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize