I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize