You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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