Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize