You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
