So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
