She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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