he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
