Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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