In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
