So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
