Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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