why didn't you poke me back
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
