I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
