I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
