My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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