You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
