as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
