we're chasing vodka with high fives
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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