So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
