I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
