Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
two words: eviction party
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
