She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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