um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
