just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
