carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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