Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
