i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize