my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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