dude i'm inner monologue high
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
