Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
