Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm getting married
To pizza
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
this is an emotional support booty call
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize