He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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