i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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