I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i would one night stand the shit outta him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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