My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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