I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
