He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
