90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
