You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
