when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You ate ashes out of my bong
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have post one night stand depression
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
