I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
