My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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