She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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