WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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