And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
