I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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