Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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