I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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