She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She told me I should be a condom model.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
