What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
