well I can't set my house on fire every night
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I would ride that face into the sunset
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
