My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
