I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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