Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Who died my cat blue again?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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