and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize