how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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