my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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