reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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