Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
