my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize