theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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