i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I FOUND THE LEGS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
